The Up-Sides of North Korea Nuking the Left Coast

Today there are headlines about North Korea threatening to nuke Guam and the entire left coast. Hopefully one of my fellow authors will finally leave that God forsaken region and move to America!

As a writer or an investor, you must consider the up-side of any potential catastrophe. So, here are some of the up-sides.

  1. Home computers will become much more secure once Microsoft (MSFT) is turned to ash and Windows is purged from the planet.
  2. You will no longer be asked to pay close to $5K for a laptop which would otherwise sell for $450 just because Apple (AAPL) put their logo on it because Apple will no longer be there to put their logo on it.
  3. J. C. Penny (JCP), K-Mart and Sears (SHLD) will surge back into both the stock market and consumers lives after Amazon (AMZN) is obliterated. Consumers will suddenly re-learn the beauty of “ship to store” and “buy local.”
  4. The world’s largest case of blatant copyright infringement will finally be solved when Google Books is wiped off the map with Google (GOOG).
  5. The world’s most prominent search engine will now be a little known company which had the foresight to place its server farm in the rust belt of America and actually test their SOX required BRD (Business Recovery Document.)
  6. What’s left of the Fortune 500 will now realize the BRD wasn’t a document required by burdensome, invasive and unnecessary government regulation because it is something that actually supposed to be tested and proven to work before being filed.
  7. We will no longer have to watch news reports about Californians fighting over water.
  8. Rents in Silicon Valley will now be cheaper than in Lost Springs, Wyoming, population 4.
  9. People who saw “The Big Short” and shorted the tech heavy mutual funds before the first mushroom sprouted will probably make as much money as they did in that movie.
  10. The western border of America will become Denver, saving people hours of travel time when traveling coast to coast.
  11. The EU will no longer have to spend countless hours and money dragging Microsoft and Google before them to punish them for unfair trade practices.
  12. Barnes & Noble (BKS) will once again be the biggest thing in books.
  13. California will finally have its request to secede from the union granted so it can field its own military to retaliate.
  14. We will no longer have to watch actors give prolonged political speeches at awards ceremonies.

Of course, that is just the first wave, and that assumes the guidance system on those missiles, which previously only had to tell up from down, have no trouble telling east from west.

Right! Right! Turn right! . . . NO I MEANT THE OTHER RIGHT!

If that happens we will no longer hear about Walmart (WMT) employees being on state and Federal aid while making the Walton family millions because the decimation of China will leave Walmart shelves bare and the chain will shut down. Once again, J.C. Penny, K-Mart and Sears will see a dramatic increase in foot traffic and Web orders. It will also lead to a construction boom for factories in America because a lot of the stuff which used to be made in China will still need to be made and it will be cheaper to make it in America than ship it through the Panama Canal to the east coast. Oh, and those companies who still make their cell phones in America will suddenly have a lot less competition.

People who live in the rust belt can be happy about it again. Those nukes can’t get here and even if they could, that untested/unproven guidance system won’t have Captain Sully at the helm so the relentless flocks of Canadian geese will be a navigational hazard they can’t avoid.

Of course those cheap, sub $100 computers which can’t last a year without breaking will be a thing of the past as well. Now they will cost quite a bit more and last a minimum of 5 years because when you can’t make lots you have to make better.

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